That made more sense in my head

I'm BACKKK!!!!

2007-07-26T01:21:25Z

The time in Perth!! Just because I can.

I'm so sorry I haven't been around, so much has happened around here and I have no idea where to start with the explanayion, so enjoy the clock while I htink up a good tale to spin you all!!

jatam @ 2007-07-06T11:45:00

2007-07-06T04:03:07Z

I LOVEEEEE this song!

What I've Done lyrics

A Nathan Petrelli Fanvid

2007-06-22T05:16:21Z

My first fanvid! I hope you enjoy, and be kind.

Title: It's My Life
Vidder: Jatam
Character: Nathan with mentions of Peter, Claire, Niki and others.
Music: It's My Life - Jon Bon Jovi
Spoilers: All of Season One
Story: Every one thinks the worst of Nathan. Can he change their minds?

"A Silent Prayer for Faith Departed"

2007-06-13T06:24:32Z

Somebodies Lying.

Real Life sucks.

And in other news, I'm looking for someone to co-write a Heroes fic with me, I started it a while ago and have since lost all inspiration. It's a Petrelli!Mobster type piece and is basically just a lot of fun.

Any takers?

Fic - "Still the world lives on"

2007-06-07T11:58:35Z

Title – Still the World Lives On
Author - Jatam
Rating - R
Pairing – Nathan/Claire
Spoilers/Warnings – Well, its smut people as well as being Nathan/Claire, so underage sex scenes, and incest if you are a stickler for canon. Spoilers Up to 1.23
Summary – When there is nothing left to hold onto, she holds onto him, because he makes her feel whole.
Disclaimer I own nothing. Seriously, ask anyone. Just having some fun while Kring is having a break!

A HUGE thanks to oops_pig for beta-ing my work for me, and to cold_queen_5for the help! I couldn't have done it without her tips.

Written for no_not_ever , cause she is just too awesome!

Life as she knows it ends on a Wednesday, when the laws of being (and loss) disappear and she is left
standing alone in a cheap motel somewhere outside of San-Fran. But what else can a regenerating cheerleader from Texas possibly hope for?

It starts with a knock on the door, and ends with her broken and weeping, wrapped only in a thin sheet and wondering what wrong she had possible done to deserve her lot in life.

Because the man she sees when she opens the door is dead; she saw him die. She watched him burn.

And yet here he is, largely in tact, though the ravenous look in his eyes tells her that he is broken beneath the surface. Her shock at seeing him again is nothing compared to the shock of his lips on hers and her hands running under his torn shirt and over his chest.

Before her head has time to react to the things her treacherous body is doing, they're both naked and standing before one another as the sun dips below the horizon and his face is cast in heavy shadows. They're close enough that she can feel his breath in her hair, but if she closes her eyes it’s the only indication she has that he is still there. She shivers involuntarily and his arms are wrapped around her in an instant as his lips trace a path over her shoulder and across her neck.

She shivers once more and he scoops her into his arms and carries her over to the bed, laying her down as though she where a doll, precious and fragile and not quiet real. He pulls back to look at her, and at the loss of his touch, the skin on skin contact, the hollow feeling returns. She hates that feeling.

Boldly she reaches for him, and she has either done something very wrong or incredibly right. Need light's his eyes once more but this time there is the hint of something else, something more. She won’t call it desire or lust, because those words are too big, to even and level for the insanity surrounding them. There is a shifting, whether physically or not she can’t be sure, but suddenly the lover's touch is gone and his hands are clutching at her desperately, fingers digging deep into her porcelain skin, creating bruises that will be gone long before he is.

He doesn’t ask if she’s sure, he doesn’t pet her or whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she is relieved and disappointed all at once, because it’s all so right in a situation that’s just so wrong.

All at once he is on her, inside her, and her gasp of surprise, pleasure and pain fills the room as her body tingles as though on fire. He holds her hands above her head with one hand as the other continues it’s assault, carving a path down her side and across her back as he continues to thrust into her, murmuring ‘mine’ as he does, and she is struck by the thought that it is the first thing he has said since entering the room.

Before she can muse on this any further however, she’s tumbling over the edge, with him only moments behind her.

And as quickly as he came, he’s gone once more, and she is left alone with her pain and grief, the heavy scent and mussed bed clothing the only indication he was ever even there.

Life as she knows it ends on a Wednesday, and still the world lives on.

Fic- "One Breathe" Chapter 2/?

2007-05-27T09:47:24Z

Title: "One Breath Taken, One Breath Stolen." Chapter 2/?
Fandom:Heroes
Characters/Pairings: Delilah (OC), Claude, Peter, Sylar, No Pairing yet, But Maybe Peter/OC later on.
Rating: Teen (Swearing and mild themes later on)
Warnings:Swearing, Mild themes in later chapters.
Spoiler alert: If you watch the show, You’re safe. (May change in later chapters)
Summary: "Take my breath away. Give my life back. Grab, run, pray." It takes more than one person to stop a killer, but only one person can pull the trigger.

OK, This chapter was originally longer and ad a lot less information included, and it's un-betad, so any mistakes, blame me.

If any one would like to beta for me, just leave a message, I would appreciate it!

When Claude showed up on Peters door almost five months after the city was suppose to explode and told him he knew where to find Nathan, Peter just nodded and stepped back to allow the older man into the room. People had been telling Peter for months now that they knew where Nathan was, and their mother had spent millions and called in all sorts of favors in an effort to find him. He had been willing to jump on a plane at any given moment and fly to wherever any one suggested in order to locate his big brother, his hero, but after five months of chasing a ghost, Peter was ready to give up.

Walking into his kitchen and grabbing two beers out of the fridge, Peter tossed Claude on before twisting the cap off his own and wondering into the living room, not bothering to invite the other man to follow. He didn’t even look in Claude’s direction until he heard the beer bottle hit the table with enough force to smash it, and only watched as the amber liquid spilled out of the bottom of the still capped bottle.

“Ok, so what was that for?” Peter asked, not moving from his spot on the couch.

Claude simply looked at him before turning and walking straight out of the apartment. Peter had become accustomed to that look. The accusing, disappointed look so many had laid on him. It wasn’t Peters fault they didn’t know where Nathan had disappeared to, and it wasn’t Peter’s fault Molly Walker was to sick to find him.

But Peter had nearly killed an entire city, and Nathan had flown to the rescue.

It was Peter’s fault his brother had been so badly injured that it would be a miracle if he had survived.

With a sigh he got up form the couch and followed in Claude’s footsteps out of his apartment and down to the street, remembering to leave his own drink on his kitchen table.

“Ok, I’ll go. I won’t to find him, Claude, I do.” Peter called out, causing the now invisible Claude to stop in his tracks and head back in his direction, almost knocking a lady down as he did so.

“Look, pup, I don’t give a toss what you want or what you think you should do. I just thought in this instance you’d be the person to go too. There are two packages in Perth, Australia waiting to be picked up, and one of them is your congressman. I was going to go by me-self, but only to get the other, a girl with a terrifying ability who I’ve spent the greatest part of eight years protecting. Now if you want in you gotta come now.” And with that, he turned and walked toward the subway.

Glancing around the street, Peter looked up and noticed a screen showing Nathan in a sharp suit giving a speech at a new building site. Even though Peter knew it was actually Candace and not his brother, the site still brought him some comfort. With a sigh, Peter faded into invisibility and followed Claude into the underground, wondering how they were suppose to get onto a plane without anyone noticing them.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

That had been two days ago.

Now as Peter watched the blonde woman in the pink gloves spin around and smile widely at the sight of the disheveled man before her, Peter wondered not for the first time what sort of ability she could possibly posses to cause Claude to give up his entire life for her. She didn’t appear to be overly dangerous, and Peter placed her age somewhere in the early twenties. So what possible reason would Claude have to hide a then twelve year old girl in Perth, Australia, and what did it have to do with Nathan? Before he could think to ask, Peter felt his entire body tingling, much the same way t did when he absorbed a new ability. Stumbling a little, feeling disorientated, Peter reached out and grabbed at a wall feeling his consciousness slipping.

As he went down, Delilah and Claude could only watch on helplessly, both waiting till he blacked out before speaking.

“So he’s the empath?” Delilah asked, only the smallest trace of sympathy evident in her tone.

“Yeah, he’s the one. I wouldn’t have brought ‘im given the… well you know” Claude said, gesturing at Delilah’s gloved hands, “But the guy you got staying with you, the one who don’t remember nothing? It’s his brother.”

“I know.” Delilah stated before checking her watch and excusing herself from the room. She had to let Daniel know she was leaving for the night and secure her office before she could head home, and given the appearance of her old friend and his companion, Delilah defiantly needed to go home.

jatam @ 2007-05-18T10:57:00

2007-05-18T03:34:10Z

Title: "One Breath Taken, One Breath Stolen." Prologue & Chapter 1/?
Fandom:Heroes
Characters/Pairings: Delilah (OC), Claude, Peter, Sylar, No Pairing yet, But Maybe Peter/OC later on.
Rating: Teen (Swearing and mild themes later on)
Warnings:Swearing, Mild themes in later chapters.
Spoiler alert: If you watch the show, You’re safe. (May change in later chapters)
Summary: "Take my breath away. Give my life back. Grab, run, pray." It takes more than one person to stop a killer, but only one person can pull the trigger.

Prologue

Delilah tugged at the restraints in a vague attempt to free her arms and legs, but for the moment she wasn’t panicking. She knew where she was and why she was there, she knew who was holding her captive and she had no reason to fear them, not really at least. What she didn’t know was what was taking so long.

Tugging once again at the ropes, Delilah watched the door as sounds drifted through from the other side. The room was dark besides the shards of light filtering from under the door, and Delilah imagined that was where here assailant would enter from when he finally returned. She couldn’t remember exactly how she got here, but she did know she was relatively unharmed, and that was a blessing.

As the door swung open, Delilah flinched against the onslaught of light, but saw enough to make out the silhouette of the man she had been waiting for.

“Do you remember what it used to be like? Before everything went wrong, do you remember?” His voice was faint, barely above a whisper, but the raw emotion he was feeling came through in full force. The desperation, the grief, everything she had expected but there was something else. Anger she supposed, and he had a lot to be angry about. If anyone did it was him, but Delilah still didn’t understand what had possessed him to come after her in the way he had.

“Gabriel?” She asked quietly, wanting more then anything to get this whole thing over with.

“My name is SYLAR!” He bellowed, before the room seemed to shake and Delilah’s world went black.

-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-

Chapter one

Five Weeks Earlier:

Delilah rubbed at her eyes wearily, wondering who she had pissed off so royally to be stuck working in accounts during tax time. Being the office manager, Delilah was usually the one to delegate tasks and hand out assignments, but it also meant she was expected to pick up the slack wherever she was needed. It just so happened that this year three of the office accountants had all decided now would be the perfect time to develop severe flu-like symptoms, and it took all her patience and strength not to march around to their homes and pull them in anyway. To make matters worse the property manager had booked the week off almost a year ago for a family vacation, and hence Delilah was busily trying to coordinate two separate wings of the company while looking for a few replacement accountants and resisting the urge to kill someone.

Picking up her coffee mug, Delilah slipped on her gloves before wandering through the dimly lit office to the staff kitchenette. It was almost eight at night, and dipite Delilah’s own highly agitated state, she had not requested any one stay overtime unless they wanted too. Given the majority of the office all had husbands wives and children waiting form them at home, only a select few had decided to stay. They were all hunkered down in their individual stations only paging her when they had some little emergency that just couldn’t wait until morning.

Filling up the kettle and putting it on to boil, Delilah hummed to herself and let her mind wander. It was an unpleasantly cold night, and Delilah shivered slightly as she moved to turn up the thermostat. Her only regret about moving to Australia was the severity of the weather. Sometimes it was blistering hot, and other times… well other times she was sure she had frostbite and her toes where only still there because the tight heels she wore wouldn’t allow them to go anywhere else. Thinking about the new red coat she had seen in the store front on her way to work this morning, Delilah barley even noticed when the kitchen door opened of its own accord. She didn’t even turn at the hesitant whispers going on not three feet from her. It wasn’t until she was greeted in a very familiar British accent that Delilah even realized she wasn’t alone anymore.

“ ‘Ello there love. Any reason you haven’t gone on home yet? I was waitin’ on your doorstep for near on an hour!”

Fic: In darkness I wait, in mourning I dream

2007-04-11T06:40:37Z

Title: In darkness I wait, in mourning I dream
Characters/Pairings: Peter and...? Other characters mentioned
Rating: PG
Warnings: Nope
Spoiler alert: Not if you’re up-to-date! (Ep 1x18)
Summary: Future fic. What if things don’t work out for our heroes?

I have been working on this for a year now, and it was originally written as the prologue for a larger body of work, but I molded it too fit his fandom because it fits so perfectly and because I was working on a similar piece as a drabble for this character but it wasn't working as well as this did. So ta da!

There is no cure for the madness that plagues me.

There is no understanding for the desire of the accursed mind

Every night I lie awake and hear. They call me.

Soon they will pull me over the edge.

There is only so much pain I can take.

I hear them come, the real people, the ones on the outside. When they come the demons leave me, if only briefly. It is a comfort to know that not everyone has forgotten. To the outside world, I am redundant. I served my purpose, I’ve done my duty. I was born to save them, and save them I did.

Only to those who knew me as a boy, as a man in my own right still visit. And while the time they spend by my side brings me comfort, I wait for one in particular, one whose time would mean more than all the others. I wait all day to hear her voice, but there is silence where she should be. If I could break thorough the fog to the land of the conscious I would ask for her, I would go to her. But the darkness holds me. It surrounds me totally holding me captive.

I live in the hope that she will come.

No one speaks of her, which is odd, because she was theirs. They all loved her as much as I, if somewhat differently. My first and best friend visits often, telling me all about the goings on in the outside world, but he never mentions her, the one I so desperately wish to hear about. His own daughter and not even a passing comment. Mother’s visits are filled with a lonely silence, sometimes broken by the sobbing of a broken heart. She never stays long, and I know that even her brief visits take more out of her than she would care to admit. Her parting words are always a reminder that they are waiting for me to get better and return to them all, and she refers to a few by name, but she never mentions her. The one I wish to hear from more than any other. The one who holds my heart.

Now, there are those who visit that knew me only briefly before that day but still they take the time to talk to the one who can’t respond, who can’t find it within himself to return to them and to the world he helped save. Some visit in an effort to cheer me up, to brighten the darkness that surrounds me, as is the case with the cop and the invisible man, and I find myself smiling even if only on the inside.

But even their visits are marred by a darkness unnamed.

In the outer edges of thought there is a memory, one that frightens and thrills me all at once, but it is only a fragment, a frayed corner in the tapestry of my mind.

I killed the killer, I am a hero.

I find myself slipping a little more each day, but this fact no longer scares me as it once did. I no longer feel as though I have any need to return to them, the world doth turn without me.

Their call is not as strong as the call of eternal sleep.

jatam @ 2007-03-30T14:11:00

2007-03-29T06:30:51Z

OK I saw this thing on someones LJ, and I stole the idea, but now I don't know who I stole ii from, so If I stole it form you give me a shout out so I can credit you.

So, what you do is stick your iPod or whatever on shuffle, then you write down the first line of the first 20 songs that play, no skipping allowed. Then post it and see if anyone guesses the songs correctly! When they do, just strike through the song.

Oh, and Lia, MSN was being all narky to us before, so I'll talk to you later!

1) You took my hand, you showed me how.

2) Grace, Despite your years I hope you find peace

3) Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you

4) One night to you lasted six weeks for me

5) Wake up in the morning with a head like 'what ya done?'

6) You can change your life

7) Don’t cry to me

8) Love can make you weak

9) ~~Did I disappoint you?~~

10) I’m always to late

11) For once I want to be the car crash

12) Please don't let this turn into something it's not

13) Under your spell again, I can't say no to you

14) Conversations with my 13 year old self

15) ~~It starts with one thing~~

16) Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

17) It’s coming ‘round again, slowly creeping hand

18) Well we don't need no one to tell us what to do

19) When they all come crashing down- mid-flight

20) When all you wanna do is rock

Wow! Ch-Ch-Ch Changes!

2007-03-27T08:15:27Z

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. Actually, I don't but I can guess. Your thinking ‘Ok, what possessed Jatam to create a layout that makes it look like Barbie threw up on the screen.’ You may also be thinking, ‘Where on earth did you vanish too for two weeks?’ Well, there is a reasonable explanation to these and other questions, and I shall do my best to tell you ALL about it.

First up, I have been collaborating with beyondallelse on a future fic (Heroes, of course) that I started a while back, but never got past page one. She is of course the inspiration behind the fic, and now my co-writer. (I should actually say she is the writer, as she tends to come up with the only ideas and or sentences worth using, I tell you that girl is amazing!) Which kind of explains my absence over the last weeks.

As for my layout? What can I say, I am a freak. I was making this banner for a friend and then I got this idea and ran with it. I know, It won’t last, trust me. But I felt like a change, and I will no doubt change once again before the end of March.

Anyways, I have two new fics coming to you all soon, not including the future-fic. One is a VM One-Shot and the other is another Peter, Nathan general fic for my big table. SO lots more in store for those who aren’t put off by my irrational and insane ramblings.

Oh and Lia, Love ya, miss ya, I will be online form 7am my time tomorrow if that helps.

New Fic!!

2007-03-14T06:31:00Z

OK, I just had this idea and couldn't help but write about it. I am probably WAY off base with this, but there yo go. If anyone has any comments, concerns or thoughts, I appreciate them all. Anyways, here goes! Oh, by the way, it has NOTHING to do with the fic I was talking about before, I'm just random like that!

Title: A World Away
Fandom: Heroes
Characters/Pairings: Nathan, Peter. General Fic
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Spoiler alert: Up to episode 1x18 “Parasite”
Summary: Peter loses his rose colored glasses. Written for the heroes_flashfic prompt ‘lost and found as well as my big table (heroes50) , prompt #5 ‘Destroy’

He had sold him out. His own brother had actually sold him out. The thought left Peter reeling

No matter what any one else thought of Nathan, Peter had always held onto the belief that he was one of the good guys. Nathan was working to make the world a better place, he was just doing things Nathan’s way. Peter held onto this belief all through his childhood, despite the news reports and the raised eyebrows, Peter continued to look up to his Big Brother through what his mother referred to as his ‘rose colored glasses.'

He lost those glasses that night.

In front of everyone, reporters, dignitaries, Simone, In front of them all, Nathan had sold him out. He would be a laughing stock come morning. ‘Troubled Petrelli Jumps off Roof Top,’ ‘Petrelli Family Secret Struggle,’ complete with quotes from the famous Nathan Petrelli himself, caring older brother, oh, and did we mention he’s running for congress?

Peter let all his anger, all his disappointment flow through him and into his fist as it connected with Nathan’s face. One good hit, one swift punch to remind Nathan he was still human, even if only for a moment, before Peter knew it was over. What good would it do to carry on a one sided argument? Nathan would honestly believe he had done what was best, who was Peter to argue?

In his head, Peter forgave. He always did, but he couldn’t help but hold onto the anger, the disappointment in a tiny corner of his heart. The corner were he locked away the various hurts inflicted by there father, now there was an entry by Nathan. The first of many, Peter was sure, though he couldn’t bring himself to actually acknowledge the thought.

He kept the pain locked there, untouched and ignored until this moment. Standing in Nathan’s office as he spoke to the FBI, Peter was both unquestioning and amazed by what he was hearing. The revelation was one Peter had always seen coming, though he had had his moment of doubt. As the agents left, Peter let himself be seen by Peter, if only briefly, and wondered why he had allowed himself to become so skeptical. After everything that had happened, Simone’s death, Isaac’s betrayal, the men trying to kidnap him, he had long lost the rose colored glasses once worn with pride, but he had found something else. Something far more practical, though harder to comprehend. He found Nathan’s playing field, where right and wrong sometimes mixed and things weren’t as they appeared at first glance.

He had found the world of Grey.

jatam @ 2007-03-13T17:19:00

2007-03-12T08:27:40Z

I did this test that supposedly rates what slang you speak best, and of course it came back with Aussie on top, given the fact that I'm an Aussie through and through. But any who, here's the result and a link if you want to take it yourself

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 75%

British Slang: 25%

Canadian Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 25%

New England Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

In other news, I have started a new fic! This one is going to be a lot longer than my usual one shots, but I'm sure I can handle it (Gulp). Any ways, I shall have the first chapter posted as soon as I get it back from my beta, who is actually my best-net friend and doesn't know she is bettering it yet, I just sent it off with a plea for help. How can she refuse me? lol, anyways, loves to all, and till next time!

Yayness!

2007-03-09T06:14:59Z

I have spent the entire day trying to fix the computer at work, which was not fun or easy let me tell you. It took me at least five hours and countless stressed attempts as well as a constant flow of coffee, but I did it! I am so damn happy I could sing. SO anyways, I wrote a fic to celebrate. It's written purely in speech, which is something I've seen done but have never actually attempted. I wrote it for my heroes50 and am very happy with the way it turned out. Clickety Clickety!

Title: Just One
Fandom:Heroes
Characters/Pairings: Peter and Nathan
Rating: G
Warnings:. None.
Spoiler alert: If you watch the show, You’re safe
Summary: Written for my BigTable Promt #2 - "Need" Nathan needs to study, Peter doesn't care.

“I’m trying to study Peter.”

“Please Nathan!”

“Go away.”

“Please, just one, please!”

“I’m not going to be able to keep coming home on the weekends if you don’t let me work.”

“You’ve been working all day.”

“That’s what people do in college, they work.”

“But you work LOTS.”

“Peter.”

“Nathan.”

“No.”

“Please…? Please Nathan?”

“Just… oh. Ok, but only one, promise?”

“Yeah!”

“You have to promise Pete.”

“Yup, one and then one, and that’s all.”

“No, just one. One story, then you have to go to bed.”

“Yup, One and then One, then bed.”

“No, just one.”

“OK, one.”

“Good.”

“And then One.”

“No Peter…

“And then bed.”

“Peter…”

“I love you Nathan.”

“I know you do. But your still only getting one story.”

"But Nathan..."

"OK. And then one."

"Yeah! And then one."

'Maybe'

2007-03-02T07:35:22Z

Title: Maybe
Characters/Pairings: Peter and Nathan
Rating: G
Warnings:. None.
Spoiler alert: If you watch the show, You’re safe
Summary: Peter watched on silently wishing it was still ok to cry…

Woot! First in my 50 stories challenge!

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

He was so confused when the only stable thing in his life up and left him, and it broke his little eight year old heart to say goodbye. Despite countless conversations in which the words ‘be prepared’ were uttered innumerous times, he just couldn’t understand it. It hadn’t seemed real until the moment his whole world walked out the door with a suitcase in hand and a smile on his face while Peter watched on silently wishing it was still ok to cry. He knew what his dad would say if he cried, and even though he wanted to so badly he knew the argument that came later wouldn’t be worth it. Standing straight with his arms folded across his chest the only sign of the hurt he was feeling was in his eyes, and he sent out a silent call to Nathan to look at him and reconsider.

But he didn’t.

The day his brother left for college was the day his childhood ended, and although he knew without being told that he’d had a much longer run of it than his brother, it didn’t make it any easier to endure the long grueling looks and the snapped orders in the weeks and months that followed. It was as though his shield had been taken away, and for the first time Peter was truly scared. He had no where to run when the nightmares got bad, no one to tell him it wasn’t a big deal that he still wet the bed sometimes and no one to take care of him when there was a party or conference his parents just couldn’t miss. For the first time, he was completely alone, and he hated how weak it made him feel. He hated Nathan for babying him for so long, but that was only when his father looked at him as though he wished they had stopped at one. Peter understood, even as a child, that if he wanted someone to look up to, someone to believe in him, then he had to look somewhere else because the man who was his father clearly didn’t feel any paternal need to care for a messy eight year old with a runny nose and dirt on his pants.

So Peter had looked to Nathan.

Maybe that was why he had been so upset when Nathan hadn’t believed him. Maybe it was because he still felt like that eight year old boy watching through his bedroom window for any sign that his Big Brother, his hero, had returned.

Maybe it was because he wished that for once he could be the strong one, the hero.

Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much when he got left behind.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

General Musings...

2007-03-01T03:18:28Z

Even though it's only the second day of March, and I live in the southern hemisphere it is pouring with rain. It has been all week and I have now got a cold. Well, not really a cold, more a really bad cough along with stuffy nose and headache. Although this means I am living on pain killers and cold medicine, it also means I have had some time to re-find my muse which wondered away so aimlessly a while back. So here it is, my heroes50 challenge table!

+-+-+-+-+-+-+

01	Wish..	02	Need.	03	Dream.	04	Search.	05	Destroy.
06	Fly.	07	Swim.	08	Freeze.	09	Jump.	10	Run.
11	Mother.	12	Father.	13	Brother.	14	Sister.	15	Child.
16	Love.	17	Hate.	18	Sex.	19	Apathy.	20	Work.
21	Second.	22	Minute.	23	Hour.	24	Day.	25	Year.
26	Birth.	27	Life.	28	Death.	29	Heaven.	30	Hell.
31	Earth.	32	Air.	33	Fire.	34	Water.	35	Spirit.
36	Rain.	37	Snow.	38	Wind.	39	Sun.	40	Moon.
41	Crimson.	42	Mask.	43	Breath.	44	Sacrifice.	45	Devour.
46	Writer's Choice.	47	Writer's Choice.	48	Writer's Choice.	49	Writer's Choice.	50	Writer's Choice.

Fictitious Fiction

2007-02-13T01:57:18Z

Ok, I am addicted to Fan-Fiction, which is all well and good, but now I'm trying my hand at actually writing it, which isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. I am a Veronica Mars addict, so most of the stuff I write will be from that fandom, with a few of my own original work thrown in for good measure. I will make most of my stuff public, so never fear! Ok, so anyway, here is my first entry into the world of fan-fic, so any comment is appreciated!

Title: He knows
Author: jatam
Word Count:
Character/Pairing: No real Pairing,
Rating PG
Warnings:
Disclaimer: Not that anyone thinks I do, but here it is: I don't own any part of VM. I wish I did, but if wishes were horses... I don't remember the rest.
Spoilers: None really, but I'll say up to 3.10 just to be safe.
Summary: The men in her life take a minute to reflect on the woman that is Veronica Mars

He knows he’s out of his depth. Every one knows.

It’s no secret that somehow a pint sized college freshman out does him in almost every aspect of his job, but he just can’t bring himself to care. She comes marching into his office, eyes blazing and a whole string of profanities right on the tip of her tongue, demanding he serve justice even if it means bending the rules. He sits back and smirks in response before shooting down every one of her ideas and suggestions on how he could do his job properly and where he should put his office equipment, all the while mentally kicking himself for not doing better.

For not being better.

He watches as she turns around and marches out of his office berating him mentally, her thoughts clearly printed across her face. Sighing, he leans forward, head in his hands trying without success to block out the guilt he still feels for the way he treated the broken little girl who came to him for help all those years ago and still keeps coming back expecting him to be halfway decent. She doesn’t seem to understand that he can’t help her, he can’t fix things. The guilt gnaws at him, the same guilt he feels for another little girl he couldn’t help and for the woman who tries to help him despite her own broken life. He doesn’t deserve his job. He doesn’t deserve to feel happy or in control. He doesn’t deserve to feel anything but guilty.

And he knows it alright.

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He knows he doesn’t deserve her. Every one knows.

It’s no secret that they wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for the girl they both knew and loved long since lost to them. They wouldn’t be stuck in the constant love/hate loop that is their relationship if things had of worked out differently, but here they are and he can’t let her go, even though he knows he doesn’t deserve her. Even though he knows it’s over, that she isn’t coming back, he waits for her in the dark of his room, because she is the glue that holds him together, and he might just fall apart if he has to face the fact that she is gone for good. So instead he sits on his bed, hidden away from the world hoping no one will see him broken and alone, because he couldn’t bear it if they saw him this way.

He’s completely falling apart.

Laying back he stares up at the ceiling, because if he closes his eyes she’ll be there, dancing across his eyelids and taunting him with everything she is and everything he can’t have. He doesn’t want to move on, doesn’t want to let go of her.

But he doesn’t deserve her, and he knows it.

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He knows she doesn’t love him like that. Everyone knows.

It's no secret that her affections tend to lie with the more wealthy population of Neptune, and who can really blame her. Guys like him end up dead or in prison. At least the rich have some sort of longevity, the promise of a full life. What does he have to offer her? Nothing, that’s what, all he has are the dreams he’s too scared to voice and the attitude that tends to land him in a lot of trouble.

He’s going no where fast.

She walks up to him with that little head tilt, and all he can do is smile and nod, agree to do her dirty work and be grateful that he can count himself her friend, because that’s all a dead beat like him can hope for, right? He has no prospects, no direction and nothing to offer.

She’s out of his league, and he knows it.

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He knows she’ll have his back. Everyone knows.

It’s no secret that they’ll always be there for each other, twenty four seven and all that jazz, friends till the end, BFF. He’d take a bullet for her no problem, his super fly PI. It doesn’t make life easy having her as his friend. Hell no. Ever since the day he found himself taped but naked to the flag pole things have been interesting to say the least. But it's worth it cause she is definitely one special lady.

He’s always there for her.

But sometimes, just once in a while, he can’t help feeling a little put out. Like she sees him the same way she sees every one. A tool, an object. A means to an end. She’ll call and ask him to drop everything for her, and he does, then the shoes on the other foot, and he can’t help wondering if that flash of indecision was real or imagined. Before he can even blink however her minds all made up and she’s by his side, the two amigo’s facing the vileness residence of Neptune head on. He forgets his doubts and smiles, cause it’s not like she has let him down yet.

She’s always got his back, and he knows it.

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Ok, tell me what you think. I think it's finished, but I just don't know...